


Lost

by JOONJOONIEXXX



Category: GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Adorable Kim Namjoon | RM, Amnesia, Angst, Betrayal, Bottom Kim Namjoon | RM, Bottom Kunpimook Bhuwakul | BamBam, Depressed Kim Namjoon | RM, Depression, Dom Kim Namjoon | RM, Everyone Is Gay, False Identity, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Gay Male Character, Hardcore, Kim Namjoon | RM & Jackson Wang Are Best Friends, Kim Namjoon | RM Is a Dork, Kim Namjoon | RM-centric, M/M, Multi, Oral Sex, Other, Sad Kim Namjoon | RM, Secret Identity, Secrets, Smut, Sub Kim Namjoon | RM, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Temporary Amnesia, Top Jackson, Top Jeon Jungkook, Top Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Top Kim Seokjin, Top Kim Taehyung | V, Top Min Yoongi | Suga, Top Park Jimin (BTS)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-14 22:22:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16921521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JOONJOONIEXXX/pseuds/JOONJOONIEXXX
Summary: namjoon known as RM who's sacrifice a lot for the member and the group gets his heart crush by the people he cares deeply.the darkness in his heart slowly turn his once pure heart into a black hole that's empty without love and with that he went gone missing poof into thin air leaving the members looking for him through the fog of darkness that doesn't seem to shed a light anywhere until a year an a half year later.....will the member be able to save him? or will he be already tangled in the life he's in now? one things for sure he has LOST his path





	1. the start

**Author's Note:**

> hi I'm new to making these kinda fanfic and I love bts okay, this is only a fanfic other than the story and some of my oc characters bts are real people that should be protected and love. hope you guys enjoy don't forget to vote  
> WARNING  
> MAY CONTAIN ANGST, SMUT, BDSM, AT THE MIDDLE PART OF THE STORY   
> DONT LIKE DONT READ  
> YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED BY @JOONJOONIEXXX

It was a Friday night, the bangtan boys were practicing in bighit dance studio (I dont know if this really exist or not lol) and all of them were out of breath after practicing some of their song non stop. All of them were all exhausted from all of their practice, especially Namjoon he would always be so tired cause lack of sleep and stressed he pilled up inside him, but he held it for the Army, for himself and most especially his group.

with them he felt like he could accomplish anything as long as they have his back and theirs on his. But everything went downhill on that week.  
Namjoon was schrooling down his twitter and saw comments about him but he wasnt looking at the good ones, oh no he was looking at all the hate comments that was sent to him

@chimchimlove  
Omg look at all of them, well dont look at that namjoon guy he ruins the picture with his presence (*O*)

@bangtan4lifuu  
+@chimchimlovec I know right, he should do us all a favor and leave while he hasnt embaresed himself enough lol dont ruin my bias image with your presence (*^*)

@namjoonie^^  
Hey dont say anything bad about him, HE IS MY BIAS ٩(๑'^'๑)۶

@kookieistasty  
Omg look at him he looks soo fat unlike kookie, he should just be a sumo with that body of his lol

@JINNIE23  
Hahaha he should just leave before he mess my jinnie's handsome face lololol

 

he just kept schrolling down the comments section, he kept looking until a phone icon showed up on his phone showing the name Mom on the screen, he clicked answer and put the phone near his ear. 

Namjoon: hi eomma

Mom: hello joonie..

Namjoon: whats wrong? you sound sad, is there something wrong?

Mom: Joonie... your dad h-he passed away last night, he was on his way to the house when a drunk truck driver passed a red light and hit him when he was crossing the street.. i-m soo sorry joonie honey she said trying not to sob, namjoon face was blank, he couldnt process what she just said

he stood up and he went to the toilet, and locked the door thankfully the other members didnt notice him slightly crying because they were still tired from practicing. He was in the toilet crying to his jacket to muffle the sound he was making, he then put the phone near his ears again

Namjoon: e-omma when is the funeral?

Mom: tomorrow, all of the family members will be there are you going to honey? she asked him with a faint voice he answered with a heavy heart.  
Namjoon: im sorry mom but the last day of the concert is tomorrow afternoon and i cant just leave instantly, what will the boys think of this, there were silent until his eomma Yelled at him

Mom: SO THATS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR FATHER HUH???!! DONT EVEN BOTHER TO SHOW UP LATER DAY, HECK DONT YOU DARE SHOW YOUR FACE HERE EVER AGAIN!! she said as she hung the phone, he had tears running down on his face until he heard a knock on the door

Jungkook: Hyung are you okay? we're starting the dance practice again, as soon as he heard that he turn on the water and washed his face, hoping they wouldn't notice his face was crying. he wiped his face with a towel that was beside the sink and he unlocked the door and walked out the door with a fake smile on his face

Namjoon: i'm okay kookie, lets go back to practice

Jungkook: Okay hyung, he said as he walks back to the other member with namjoon following him from behind, in his mind he just kept saying just be strong for the group 

namjoon, be the leader they want you to be, just hide your feelings for them, for your important peoples  
When they were all packing their things and was going back home Namjoon told his manager Sejin about his situation

Sejin: Namjoon why dont you just take a break from the concert? Your emotionally unstable and that may effect the performance tomorrow, he said wit his arm crossing

Namjoon: but i-I dont want to disappoint the ARMY tomorrow, heck the other members has work hard enough that I dont have the heart to messed up the plans we already made, he said with a sad smile across his face

Sejin just sighed and as he was about to walk away, Namjoon pulled his arm and bowed to him  
Namjoon: please dont tell the other members about my situation, it will only make them unfocus for the concert he said trying to held his tears, his manager stood there and pat his shoulder

Sejin: dont worry about it namjoonie ill keep this a secret, but I hope that you will tell them after the concert okay?, he said as he walked back to his studio  
Namjoon can only held his tears from coming out of his eyes, he needed to be strong for the team because he was the leader and they are all hes got left. He looked back to see Hoseok hugging from behind

Hoseok: joonie lets go back home, we need our strength for the concert tomorrow he said smilling the brightest smile to the leader, namjoon smiled back to him and walked to the door seeing the other members are already asleep in the bighit van, he chuckled a bit and sat in the middle seat beside suga who was playing twitter on his phone, behind them was jimin, jungkook, and taehyung snoring loudly and suga was beside Jin who was driving the van.

 

Namjoons pov

We got home and went to our rooms. As soon as I returned to my room I quickly went to the bathroom and locked the door, I simply bended near the toilet and put 2 finger inside my mouth until I barfed a lot I didnt like doing this, but I wanted to be thin for the ARMY after I barfed I went and open the cabinet beside the mirror and took out a piece of blade and started to cut my wrist.

One . tch  
Two . H  
Three.  
Four..  
And five.haaah

The blood was running down my arm, I hissed in pain as my hand begins to swollen up I then took a bandaed and rapped it around y arms after I disinfect it. I look over to the mirror and then I smiled 

Namjoon: your happy namjoon, your happy ,he said as a tear ran down his face he quickly wipped it off and went back to his bed and went to sleep trying to forget about that heavy day he's just been through *I'm sure ill be better tomorrow.. I have to..* as his eyes slowly closed and his mind drifted from the worries.....  
that was his plan but fate had other things for namjoon....


	2. OF

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he wished this was all just a bad dream...  
> one thing is  
> and one thing isnt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOPE U GUYS LIKE THIS  
> :3 see the original on my wattpad @joonjooniexxx

Namjoon's pov

In my dream i saw my family, my team, and everyone who I care about starting to drift away from me, i hold out my arms trying to grab them but they all disappeared and all i could see was darkness and coldness by myself as i was felling the cold he could see someone laying on the ground not far from me, as i looked that person was dripping blood and as his Face turn to see Namjoon face, Namjoons face was pale seeing his father bleeding in front of him with a smile and he could hear him saying

"You dont care about me do you namjoon? Your own family your own blood you choose them?, and you just left me in the dark all by myself?, I wish you didnt even exist."

pov

He woked up panting for breath he looked around and all he could saw was his room, he sighed  
Its just a bad dream namjoon, just a bad dream  
Then he look beside him and looked at the alarm clock it was 05:07 AM, he sighed he couldnt go back to sleep once he woke up, so he gets off his bed and walked out of his room and went to the kitchen as he was walking there he heard a clatter coming from the kitchen, he quickly took the first thing he saw and quietly tiptoed to the kitchen his hearth was beating fast hoping it wasnt an intruder in their house, as soon as he got closer to the sound he smelled the smell of fresh pancakes coming from the frying pan with a tall man cooking them, he sighed and his heart calming down as he know the person who had wide shoulder was cooking something.

Jin: aigyoo joonie you scared me, he sad holding his hand to his heart acting all dramatically 

Jin: and what are you doing holding that? , his gaze soon went to the thing namjoon was holding

Namjoon: I though you were an intruder hyung, he said while putting the mirror down

Jin:how could you think a world wide handsome like me be an intruder joonie, I am heart broken he said fake crying, namjoon just smiled 

Namjoon: thank god you have a wide shoulder or else i would have hit you in the head with your own mirror haha, he laughed and Seokjin laugh with him

Jin: god if that happens jonnie I swear youll be sorry, he said trying to sound intimitaded but failed miserably seeing Namjoon was smilling instead of being scared, he continued making the pancakes he turned to Namjoon and smiled to him

Jin: do you want some jonnie? 

Namjoon: sorry hyung but im not that hungry

he said smiling as he was actually starving but all of the comment telling him he was fat got to his mind and started to stave himself even more, the older saw his face but shrugged it off feeling the younger one didnt want to talk about it. In the end namjoon just drank some coffee and ate some fruit accompanying Jin who was happily eating his stacks of pancakes as usual he even praise himself and made Namjoon laugh at the olders comments, as they were chatting the other members one per one started to show up at the kitchen from the smell of fresh pancakes smelled from miles away. They all eventually got together and ate the pancakes jin made for them, and they all went to take a shower getting ready and went to the concert.

As soon as they arrived there they all could hear the screaming army outside the consert place screaming WE LOVE YOU, MARRY ME, BTS!!! We waved to them and went into the consert getting ready for the consert and some the members notice Namjoon arms was wrapped with some bandages, they were all silent until Hoseok talked

Hoseok: joonie what happened to your arm? He said with a worried face to the leader, but he just showed a faint smile showing his dimple

Namjoon: yeah im okay hobi I just accidentally cut myself with a broken glass before, he said trying to cover his bandages with his long outfit that they had to wear for the concert  
They all looked relieved, not knowing the true reasons why he was using the bandages. All of a suddenly Namjoons eyes went blurry his head went all weird and he felt lightheaded, he took out some medicine that he usually brings with him and drank it with some water. 

once he finished gulping his medicine and told people who walk passed him that he was just drinking his vitamins. In his mind he was only thinking about one thing the group is your priority, just suck it in and hold the pain, he was about to sit down when all of the sudden the cru told them to be standing by near the stage for their performances, he shrugged it off and walked towards the stage and in seconds they performed for the fans that were waiting for them.   
the members were all doing their part with passion and without a flaw they were in perfect shape... except for their leader, in the performance Namjoon made many mistakes, he didnt look energetic, heck he accidentally made jin fell because his foot was in the way, you could say this was his worst performances yet and the other member noticed it, and their reaction to his performance was not pretty... they were upset, devastated, mad. 

They knew their leader makes mistakes on stage sometimes but this takes the top of the cheery sunday, and because they were already tired from their packed schedule they all were at the end of their wits and was just holding down their fumes like they use to but namjoon's action made all of them snapped at the leader. They all went into their dressing room, there were only them inside the room because they just finished their performance and the cru and manager were rapping it up at the backstage. Namjoon sat at on of the chairs in the room with his head hung low from all the glare he's receiving from his member.

"NAMJOON-AH!!!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for the support :3  
> kudos feeds me  
> comment makes me feel good :v

**Author's Note:**

> this story is also availabe on wattpad, follow me there too if you guys like to :3 , hope you guys enjoy the story


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